And a wedding! And visiting friends! And looking forward to new ones. It's all anticipation for me this month. I somehow cannot wait for fall, but I don't want September to end.
I'm actually excited for fall based on little more than my memories of it. I know what joy fall has brought me in the past.. and so naturally I figure it will be the same this year.
Dangerous thinking.
And I'm trying very hard not to live weekend to weekend. It's rough when your mind is consumed with the possibility that the best years of your life are behind you. You begin living from memories and reaching out to people who you remember from those days... just to rekindle the connection to get that feeling back.
Never have figured out why moving on is so hard. And why change always seems so exciting and then ends up daunting... and then levels out into growth and wisdom. And why even though I understand this process.. I still entertain silly ideas about my new environment/situation.
Will I ever be that happy again?
And as that thought circumvents my mind... I'm sitting in a beautiful day with a beautiful breeze on a beautiful porch in a beautiful community filled with beautiful people with a meaningful job that brings adequate money surrounded by some of my favorite things to do.
And I'd say on a given day I take in only about 50% as much beauty as I used to.
.....we always joked about moving to the same location or buying a vacation house to reunite regularly.... and that always seemed like one of those dreams we'd never do anything about...
Until now.
but I know me... and I'll never settle for complacency.
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