An advice.

If you're reading this.. Please, please listen carefully.

Men... she's just a woman.

Women... he's just a man.


You can't outsource the pressure to make your problems go away to another.

Two points for reincarnation

In a way its a major bummer we only get one go-around at life. There are so many choices to make that lead you to certain people.. and we sacrifice so much for so much else. It's quite unsavory we can't get to experience all of it.

As the hypothetical game goes... we think it would be awful if we never got to experience the most meaningful part of our own actual life.

But if we're going to play that game. We have to play it both ways. Guaranteed we would think the same thing about an alternative we would have hypothetically chosen. And likewise would have no alternative experience with which to gauge it.

Herein lies this bummer's inherent blessing. We only get one chance to do all of this. So our choices mean something. So do as much as you can. And we'll never get to know if there could have been something better out there... which is a good thing. Because if we did know it and it wasn't.... we would spend so much time wishing things were some other way.

What a tragedy that would be........

People never being happy with what they have. Can you imagine? What would become of us hypothetical romantics? We might miss out on living a life while wishing for one we would never even know.

But here again we are presented with the problem that only getting to live one life and choose one experience brings.

Wonder.

If I feel like I'm talking in circles. It's because I am. And not to any fault of my own. But the fault of everyone.

The problem isn't the circular nature of the hypothetical game. The problem is trying to play it.

While fun.. it can be dangerous.

But still... how would things be different if ________?

Chutes and ladders

I experience heaven and hell everyday. I see it on the faces of people. In my own life. Flying down the street.

So much good and so much bad exist here in the same place everyday.

Causes me to rethink the entire thing.

To me, we choose heaven or hell in every choice we make. We choose to join closer with love or to become more reclusive from it.

Watched the republican tea party debate tonight... (laugh line break)

So tired of people throwing jargon around to gain power and pretend to be interested in people. Nobody ever says "hey things are complicated... and we'll try and probably fail and then work harder to try and make things better for the people"

Everyone's out to toot their own horn or to be a hero and save humanity from its habituations and narcissism. All the while making sure to tow party lines.

It's not a new thing... except year after year the same shit. revolving. in circles. neverending.

Why cant more people just choose heaven? But would we even want heaven all the time?

Can we really appreciate heaven if we've never seen hell? Can we? Can we at all? Can we abide in love forever and have that be what we really want? Don't we need hell to appreciate heaven? And if this is the case... will we ever be able to escape the hell we dread completely?

I cannot for the life of me figure out the answer to this question. I don't even know how to think about it? Because all I've ever known is both.

Everything in me wants to say no. We don't need hell to appreciate and enjoy heaven.

But everyday, every minute people assume that there is one particular thing out there that would fulfill them if they could just attain it, and come to find out when they get it.... it doesn't. At all. It leaves them lacking again and wanting something else. Is heaven like this? Can heaven ultimately fulfill?

And it tempts me to say... forget it. I'm going to stop thinking about it and just try to enjoy my life. Who needs to think about this stuff anyway? But I don't want to be THAT person. That person who never thinks deeply about things. Who never pines for answers to abstract questions. Who never struggles and wrestles issues to the ground.

But I'm so tired.

Oh, happiness!

Anticipation anticipation!! Fall is nearing and September is the most incredible transition month of the year for me. All sunlight is golden and all days are moderate and beg you to spend time in the grass.

And a wedding! And visiting friends! And looking forward to new ones. It's all anticipation for me this month. I somehow cannot wait for fall, but I don't want September to end.

I'm actually excited for fall based on little more than my memories of it. I know what joy fall has brought me in the past.. and so naturally I figure it will be the same this year.

Dangerous thinking.

And I'm trying very hard not to live weekend to weekend. It's rough when your mind is consumed with the possibility that the best years of your life are behind you. You begin living from memories and reaching out to people who you remember from those days... just to rekindle the connection to get that feeling back.

Never have figured out why moving on is so hard. And why change always seems so exciting and then ends up daunting... and then levels out into growth and wisdom. And why even though I understand this process.. I still entertain silly ideas about my new environment/situation.

Will I ever be that happy again?

And as that thought circumvents my mind... I'm sitting in a beautiful day with a beautiful breeze on a beautiful porch in a beautiful community filled with beautiful people with a meaningful job that brings adequate money surrounded by some of my favorite things to do.

And I'd say on a given day I take in only about 50% as much beauty as I used to.

.....we always joked about moving to the same location or buying a vacation house to reunite regularly.... and that always seemed like one of those dreams we'd never do anything about...

Until now.

but I know me... and I'll never settle for complacency.